altView Unveils Beautiful Secret Bunker

altView Unveils Beautiful Secret Bunker

For many years the altView foundation has worked to create safe spaces for LGBTQ people in their communities.  Based in Strathcona County, altView supports GSAs, runs writing programs, and now has a secret bunker from which it plans to launch the cutest assault on heterosexuality ever seen.  “We just came to realize that it was not LGBTQ people that have been the problem”, said Bryan Mortensen, altView’s Executive Director and Wartime Commander.  “We just needed somewhere safe to implement our gay agenda and also to have parties, weddings, high tea, etc.”  Mortensen noted that the bunker idea came out of strategic planning and a desire to be more sustainable.

altView’s new bunker features 3 offices, an executive strategy room, an Olympic size swimming pool, 3 cocktail bars, a dance club, a knitting room, bunks for 147, and a kitchen that the most luxurious houses of Sherwood Park would envy.  When asked where the funding came from, Mortensen was coy. “Well, it’s not like we have been siphoning funds from the county without their knowledge…  that’s for certain. It was a private donor… yeah that’s it.”

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Tours of the new bunker are available all week and the LGBTQ gift shop is open 24/7 online.

 

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Happy April Fools

 

 

 

 

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About The Author

Bryan Mortensen is the Executive Director of the altView Foundation. He holds an arts degree Majoring in English and minoring in Philosophy. He generally uses male pronouns, but won't be offended if you call him ma'am.

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